Viral Video: Warning Against Hipster Baby Names

By Bradford Hornsby

Right now it may be all fun and games – eating kale while riding your fixie with your brand new bowler hat – but remember that being a parent is a big deal.

Your kids are not an accessory like your handlebar mustache or your finger tattoo of the same mustache. Give them normal names. They will grow up and they will hate you.

In a PSA from WTFark, the important danger of hipster baby names is finally addressed.

“I am just like you except my parents are total hipster douchebags.” Warns the PSA, “Like full on fedora wearing, gluten fearing, Kombucha brewing, untied boots wearing, podcast recommending, Pitchfork Music Blog reading, alternative milk drinking, electronic cigarette customizing, dirtbags.”

Here are some helpful hints:

  • Don’t name your child after food. Blueberry, Kale, Apple, Chia, etc are all just fine for nicknames.
  • Avoid famous last names and fictional characters. That means no Jaggar, Xena, Neo, Thor, Zola, Homer, etc.
  • No animal names because that is so hippy. Avoid Bear, Hawk, Wolf, Eagle, etc.
  • No place names. Seriously. Don’t name your kid Brooklyn. Just don’t.
  • No names that are already nicknames/shortened. Forget Joe/Jo – go with Joseph/Joanna and just shorten it in speech not on the birth certificate. Same goes for initials as names.
  • Names become dated for a reason don’t pick one from the centuries ago. Bertha, Petunia, Tallulah, etc.

 
Watch the video above and please spread the word and save someone the embarrassment of being raised with a really stupid name.


 

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