By Alyssa Pereira

Happy Friday Bay Area!

You’ve made it to the weekend. Pat yourself on the back. You did it.

We’ve rounded up the week’s biggest (and weirdest) news stories. Check them out, and stay up to date!

The Super Bowl Is Nigh

Here’s the good news: the Super Bowl, your annual excuse to start drinking on a Sunday afternoon, is this weekend (YYYAAAAAYYYY!!!). Here’s the bad news: Richard Sherman is playing (BOOOOOOOOOOOO!).

Dismembered Body Found In A Suitcase Along Market Street In San Francisco

Uuuuggghhh, this is how horror films start. A body in a suspicious-looking abandoned suitcase was discovered at Market and 11th Street in San Francisco this week in broad daylight. Not much else is known yet, except that this whole thing is scary and as the SFPD best puts it, “gruesome”.

Blink-182 Kicked Tom Out Of The Band, Tom Has The Sads

Womp womp. This week, Blink-182’s Travis Barker and Mark Hoppus had it up to HERE with Tom DeLonge’s shenanigans, so they went and kicked him out of the band. Tom is sad, we’re sad, Blink-182 is sad. It’s a no-win situation. Pour some out for the band that was, we miss them already.

A Cat Was Killed, Buried, And Rose Again Five Days Later

Bart the cat was wandering around, minding his own business, when he was struck by a vehicle. His owner found him, but it was too late…or was it? Bart, mangled, with a broken jaw, and bum eye, managed to survive “dying”, being buried, and not eating or drinking for four days, eventually finding his way home. How many of his nine lives did that take?

Five East Bay Residents Considered A Facebook Malfunction A Panic-Inducing Emergency And Called 911

Everybody get your side-eyes ready. Five East Bay residents wasted the crucial time of emergency dispatchers last week, when they felt that Facebook’s unexpected malfunctioning was a high alarm signaling the impending end of days. This is not The Onion, you guys.

 

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