Adopt A Hissing Cockroach Or Hairy Scorpion For Your Ex This Valentine’s Day

Nothing says “I used to love you” like the gift of creepy crawlers and now San Francisco Zoo has adoption packages to help you with jilted lovers — Adopt-a-Cockroach or Adopt-a-Scorpion.

For a fee, you can adopt one of these lovely critters in the name of your current or soon-to-be ex-lover. The zoo can use the money to further the Zoological Society’s mission, so consider it a win-win. You’ve turned that relationship gone sour into a net positive.

“Fallen prey to love’s cruel sting?” The San Francisco Zoo posted on their site. “Consider adopting the giant hairy scorpion, the largest in North America, for an unsuspecting victim.”

For a $25 donation you can adopt a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach in your ex’s name and they will recieve a certificate and a box of cockroach shaped candies. The Giant Hairy Scorpion package runs you $50 and includes a certificate and a plush scorpion.

For those who want to adopt an animal for someone they still like snow leopard, Magellanic penguin, red panda, an African lion, or even a ring-tailed lemur.

For prices and more information, visit the San Francisco Zoo’s website.

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