ALICE IN WINTERLAND: Matt Nathanson PhotosJohn Mayer Photos#AliceInWinterland on - FB | IG | TW
by Brandon Mercer

By now, everyone knows 19 year old Justin Bieber was arrested Thursday in Miami for charges he allegedly was street racing a rented Lamborghini, with  his entourage and father closing streets for him, while allegedly using marijuana, prescription drugs, and drinking.  Today, we’re looking at where he REALLY went wrong.

8. YELLOW LAMBO: Come on, man! You know cops always pull over yellow cars. Black is the color if you’re planning to break some laws.

7.  POT & ALCOHOL: Pick one, but don’t mix them together. That’s just too much for a 19 year old! What did you really want to be “droned” or maybe “skunked”?

6.  STREET RACING: Dude, you’re Justin Frickin’ Bieber — you can afford to rent out an entire drag strip and do it right, with the Christmas Tree lights, and exact timing, and SAFETY rails! Knowing your age, you probably can’t handle a fast car, so you’ll want those safety features!

5.  BEER BEFORE RACING!? I won’t even go into how stupid drinking and driving is, but just athletically, if you’re street racing, alcohol is totally going to cut your reaction time.

4. NO LICENSE: Seriously.  You don’t have a valid driving license? You’re 19! How did that happen?  I know those DMV lines are tough here in California, but probably something you’ll want to take care of.

3.  60 IN A 30: You’re driving a Lamborghini Gallardo LP 550-2 Spyder, which does 0-60 in 4.2 seconds!  That’s a bit embarrassing.  Again, go learn to drive. And do it on a CLOSED TRACK.  Again, you need the safety gear there when your car’s top speed is 198 m.p.h.  MTV Lambo Story

2. SWEARING AT COPS: Dude.  You don’t curse at the guys with handcuffs and guns! We hear you said, “What the f*** did I do? Why did you stop me?” Ummmm… if you don’t know why an officer stopped you, best to just shut your pie hole and let the officer tell you.

1. JUMPING ATOP YOUR SUV AND WAVING AFTER LEAVING JAIL:  Most people when they have an epic fail say something like, “Hey fans, I’m really sorry I’m an idiot.” They usually don’t celebrate and wave.  Lots to learn, young padwan.

But a few things you did right?

3. NO ONE DIED:  Way to go! So many street races kill people, so you succeeded in not running anyone over, or hitting a telephone pole. That’s huge!  We’re still getting over the death of “Fast and Furious” star Paul Walker (a passenger during what appeared to be a street race).  While you’re an idiot, we still are happy you’re not dead and you didn’t kill anyone else.

2. FATHER-SON BONDING: Way to go, having your dad, 38 year old Jeremy Bieber, with you after the club, helping block off the street! You’re getting quality time in with your dad!  Dad — um… I think Dr. Phil wants to do a show on your parenting skills. TMZ STORY

1.  IT WAS A RENTAL CAR:  That was brilliant.  NEVER race your OWN car! If you’re going to mess around, always best to do it in a rental. Good move! I hope you got the added insurance that came with it….?

Comments (2)

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

More From Alice@97.3

S&V Podcasts!
Dedicate A Bay Bridge Light
The Looking Glass

Listen Live